"Proud of You..."

I've been wanting to write about this for awhile ... I remember it vividly. I hear it in my head over and over and over. My dad hugged me tightly. So warm, so loving, so tight ... I just wanted to burst into to tears. Sometimes hugs do that. I had just endured 24 hours of travel, as a single mommy, in order to bring our little ones home. Exhausted, yes. Elated, yes. Excited, oh yes! But as I made my rounds upon our airport arrival, I approached my dad, he held my face and said "I love you honey. I am so so proud of you. You did it ..." (I cannot even write this without tears.) Those words play over and over in my head. My dad kept saying it "You did it. All on your own. I commend you."
When I left for Ghana, I simply didn't know if I was coming home with our children or not. As my survivor skills set in and the days played out we were blessed to be home within a week. Was I scared to travel home alone with two young children who had never set foot in an airport, let alone a plane? Not scared, but nervous. I remember being giddy to be home, excited to be where things were familiar ... to be with my family and friends. So elated to have everyone finally meet Anita and Maxwell. I don't think we always feel our exhaustion. And sometimes the exhaustion can be displayed in different ways but as we rode down the escalator there stood our family and friends! There stood my support, my prayers, and the love surrounding me. I vaguely remember people saying "you must be so tired." I don't remember feeling tired. And I don't remember feeling accomplished. But when my dad said those words they have seeped into my heart and embedded themselves strongly. My dad was proud of me! He really really was. He wanted me to be proud too. I did it - my mission was accomplished and I physically did it by myself. Reflecting has made me realize how important and how much it means to tell our children we are proud of them. There is something in those words ... something takes hold deep in our hearts and fills us up. We radiate with joy .. we radiate with a sense of purpose. "Proud of you honey ... very very proud of you!"

Who they are ...

As a quick little update ... I thought I would share what we have learned thus far. The fun, the silly, the quirky, and the frustrating. Parenthood has been nice to Adam and I. We have had our own personal struggles arise and yet, parenthood has been full of grace. We often have to take our own "time outs" and our own "deep breaths" but nothing has been worse than what we could have expected. We try and approach so many things with a different view. Perhaps a view of "What if I was a child in Ghana. What if I had two people telling me how to do something, what to eat, what not to eat, what not to do, how I wear my clothes, how I take a bath, how to write my name, what noise to make and what noise not to make. What if I was trying so so hard and it just wasn't coming natural to me b/c I just wasn't from Ghana?" These are the shoes we try and walk in as we work with Anita and Maxwell. Because, if we're being honest, Anita and Maxwell simply ROCK! They are adjusting amazingly well and love life and love others. So much so that maybe Adam and I continue to place too much expectations b/c they are learning so quickly. We are learning too ... learning to step back and let them be "who they are!"
ANITA is a lively, strong, sensitive 6 yr. old. Her personality is very independent and yet she truly loves her friends, her cousins, and her family. Her smile brightens a room and her singing, well ... it's just "her personal singing."
What we've learned thus far:
- She sings LOUD in the car. Not to any specific tune ... just LOUD!
- If she wants to fall asleep ... she wants the music loud in the car.
- She loves pizza. She loves protein. Carbs simply come and go in her cravings.
- She can be very "drama." We joke that her name is Anita Drama Turner. "Little girl drama" has been aquired quickly.
- She likes to tell us about every single ailment, scratch, itch, bump, "pinning" she has. Parents are the magical doctors, right?
- She's very very smart and yet, doubts herself.
- She moves like a turtle. No really! She is slow! Slow at eating. Slow at dressing. Slow at brushing her teeth. There is no "speed" in her movements.
- She loves to sing "Stuck like glue." It is her favorite song.
- Mommy being even the least bit upset with her will cause a full on crying breakdown. She is very sensitive.
- She's already growing and it scares me. It's only been 11 weeks - can I stop the growth?
- She loves her Grandma, Poppie, Nana, and Grandpa ... she has a sincere love for her closest of family.
- I finally get mommy kisses and a big "I love you" smile at night!
- She's endured more than we may want to know and it reveals itself oh so often w/ the glimpse of her eyes.

MAXWELL is a full of life, solid (heavy), amusing, jokester, 4 yr. old. His personality is silly, joking, cuddly, bossy, and sincerely loving. He doesn't skip a beat and is rarely found not doing anything. He can scan a room faster than any child I've seen. He's our survivor and has done well at it!
What we've learned thus far:
- He can do amazing round offs. No seriously ... really good round offs!
- He WANTS to play football, we get asked every night.
- He can do perfect push ups ... likes to do those in the shower.
- He loves to jump, hop, donkey kick, roll, tumble, flip all across the floor ... just as long as he's MOVING!
- He loves to watch "Ants" (aka "Bug's Life"), Scoobey Doo, Mikey Mouse, Dora, and "Avatar."
- He has a sincere love for animals and it's fun to see. He really does love them.
- He soaks in every word from Daddy (so much more than Mommy.) Daddy is his hero.
- We still "off the light" and "on it" in lieu of "turning them off." LOL.
- He's afraid of the dark even though they had NO electricity in Ghana ... hmmmm...
- Falls asleep almost EVERY car ride he takes!
- Hearing "I love you Mommy" and feeling that little head on my shoulder, from my son is priceless!!!
We love our family. We love our gifts! We thank God for the children he has given us!!! The children they are!

"Minnie Mouse" for Christmas

The stores are quickly gearing up for Christmas! Halloween has come and gone ... who would know we have Thanksgiving in between with all the Christmas decor among us. Anita LOVES the decor ... I mean, REALLY REALLY LOVES the decor. She'll take in a deep breath and say "Oh mommy ... isn't it pretty? You buy me this ..." (as she points to a little little Christmas tree or Christmas bulb.) She really just wants to stand in the isles and stare ... it's all so magical, Mommy loves Christmas too!
Anita and Maxwell know Auntie Gina will be making the house "oh so pretty" for Christmas, I just don't think they really know, just how magical the Acosta-Turner house becomes! They are in for a very fun and magical Christmas as we celebrate Jesus' Birthday. Speaking of Jesus' Birthday ... Anita asks "Mommy, what day Christmas?" "December 25th." "Why?" "Because that is the day Jesus was born and it's His Birthday. Just like you have a Birthday except the whole world gets to celebrate Jesus' Birthday." "Oh ... Mommy Mommy, are we going to go up there (points to heaven) for his Birthday?" Smile with me, because that was priceless!!!
As we were shopping for clothes the other evening, Anita was in awe of the girl Christmas dresses. She really really wants one! She ran up to Adam and I and says "Mommy, I be Minnie Mouse for Christmas!" All I could do is laugh. "Ok mommy? I be Minnie Mouse." "Sweetie, we don't dress up for Christmas like we do Halloween." "But Mommy, come, come look at the pretty dress." As Adam continues to try and reason with her, she continues her heartfelt plea in order to have a dress and says "Ok mommy ... I be Cinderella for Christmas!" Are you laughing with me now? All I can do is smile, ear to ear! If she simply changed the character this would allow the dress purchase to be easier, right? She's not convinced we don't dress in character for Christmas but she is determined to obtain a pretty dress! They continue to fill my heart with joy!

My candy is plenty ... Halloween!

We are fully convinced Anita and Maxwell didn't understand what was going to happen or what the night of Halloween consisted of. We are pretty confident to think, they simply thought they got to wear costumes and we were going to a "partay!" Halloween has been advertised in American stores since the day Anita and Maxwell arrived. We have prepped them in what way we could, introducing them to the fun, the silly, and the scary ... thus, they wouldn't be completely shocked by it all. Costumes were going to be fun! After many explanations and pictures, Anita chose to be a "Fairy." Some days she was going to be "Tinkerbell" and others she was a "Fairy." No matter what, she could "FLY!" Too too cute. After much debate and shopping, I wanted my little man to be a chicken. (Wouldn't he have been the cutest?!?!) But, he was a soldier, and a handsome, cute one at that!! There is something very proud about being a soldier for a little boy, he waited long and hard to wear his outfit and continues to want to wear it everyday!
The days before Halloween were quite the count down. Every morning Anita would wake up and say, "What's today Mommy?" "Wednesday." "Sunday Halloween?" "Yes, Sunday, is Halloween." "Today Sunday?" As I laugh, I would smile and say "No, not yet." When Sunday arrived, they were ecstatic!! Couldn't wait ... As we drove to Grandma's house for Halloween, they just wanted to be in costume, nothing more but that. They got dressed, got their faces painted and we were ready for "Trick or Treating." We let them Trick or Treat at my parents first. They rang the doorbell and sweetly said "Trick or Treat" ... they were given candy and they said "thank you." Simple, right? And off we went to the next house. They repeated house after house. After about 10 houses, Maxwell says "Mommy, where we going?" "To the next house?" "Why, Mommy?" "To Trick or Treat." "But Mommy, my toffee is plenty, PLENTY Mommy." I just smiled ... another one of those sweet, "I love my children smiles." They loved the candy (or "toffee" as they would say) but didn't understand the overabundance of it all. Why were we insistent on making it overflow? Such is America right ... the land of plenty, the land of overabundance. Needless to say, Anita and Maxwell think Halloween will happen again next week and the week after that ... oh my!

"Mommy, I go to School?!?"

First week in America, Wednesday 9/08, Anita and I got dressed for school. I knew she wouldn't be staying but I needed to speak with them regarding enrollment and what we needed to do. She willingly went with me. As we drove to the school, she sat quietly and as I parked the car she quietly asked "Mommy, you leaving me?" "No, baby girl, Mommy is not leaving you here." The office had "heard" of us and were helpful. We were given the numerous forms to fill out and given a card for immunizations. Oh my - Kinder was already starting and Mommy had LOTS of work to do. As the Principal talked to her, she slowly began to shut down. She wouldn't even look at him. Fear was settling in, quickly. I knew it was time to go. As we drove away, she didn't stop talking and only got more and more hyper when we were home. What just happened? She shut down and once comfortable was a talking, singing, dancing, silly girl. I was learning her emotions by her actions. It was all fascinating and yet important to know how our little girl was communicating. We needed to be sensitive, we needed to love, we needed to be patient and yet, we needed to instill security, boundaries, and proper ways to treat people around us. All in due time. After naps and lunch ... Adam, Maxwell, Anita and I drove back to the school to drop off her paperwork. School had been released early. As we approached the office door, two Kinder teachers stood outside and turned to say hello. They both introduced themselves to A & M ... and from this point forward, this was their school! They were at peace with these two teachers. The principal walked by and new why we were there. He stepped away as the teachers interacted with A & M. When he came back, he told us she would be in Mrs. Kinney's class. And Mrs. Kinney was standing right there. She was so thrilled. She asked if Anita wanted to see her classroom ... this wasn't even a debate as we walked to her room. This small interaction meant so so much for the days to come ... how the blessings just continue! Anita was fascinated by the classroom. Running from spot to spot. Asking questions, staring in amazement. Her teacher was gentle, kind, and willing to understand her. Our hearts were happy (if that's even an emotion.)
As we completed physicals, immunizations, and more paperwork, we chose to finish out the week with no school and start fresh on Monday. Mommy and Anita would attend school together until all adjustments became easier. Monday, 09/13, 7:45 am came quickly. She was nervous. Excited but nervous. I was simply ecstatic for her. Luckily she missed one week and wasn't too far behind.

They "snuffed me!"

Anita and Maxwell's first night was overwhelming but not in the way I could have expected. We knew meeting the dogs was going to be scary but we had no idea as to the extent. The extended family and friends said their good-byes and allowed the children to now settle in their new home. We then decided we would try letting one of the dogs in the house. This simple act, well ... what used to be simple, brought on blood curdling screams by two children. Should someone be around and couldn't see what was happening, they just might think something was trying to severely hurt them. A & M would run to the table, scramble to the top, sit on it, scared for their lives and shout as loud as they possibly could! It was heart wrenching. It was purely awful in so many ways. No matter what we said or did, it did not alter their view of the pups in any way. Our dogs just stared at them, curious as to who these two new little faces were. As Adam and I tried and tried to somehow instill a sense of protection and that our dogs would not hurt them, it didn't matter. They simply screamed and cried and ran and shook with fear. There was nothing to change their feelings. Thus, I cried! Tears streamed down my face out of hurt, out of frustration (on many different levels) and simply because I couldn't get them to understand our dogs would not dare hurt them. I felt like my dogs were saying "Mom, you have been gone for a week and this is what happens when you come home? Mom ... what happened? We aren't scary." I just continued to cry silent tears trying to soak up what was happening this first night in America for Anita and Maxwell.

As the days passed, Adam and I were at a loss as to what to do. We had to do something. Being the new parents we are, we went with bribery. Perhaps not the brightest of ideas but it would prove to work in our favor. Two days later, we would let one dog in the house. If the kids would sit and not "shout" and allow the dogs to sniff them, they would get to go to the store and pick our a gift. This small promise instilled a confidence within A & M to try to be strong. It wasn't easy for them and they still had fear but they did it! And I wish there was someone there with a camera. Because the smile of accomplishment is priceless.

(Maxwell took this picture of Beau, his confidence is building!)

The second day of sniffing involved the same promise by Mommy and Daddy ... and this day just made us smile because as Madorie sniffed A & M, Anita looked up and proudly said "Mommy, she snuffed me! Mommy, she snuffed me!" It was as if she won a huge prize and yet she did it all on her own. My heart couldn't have been happier. The progress continued and it continues today. Two Barbies and two fire trucks later, the children will now allow the dogs to be in the house, will feed them, will walk with them, and will live with them. At one point during a fear fit I looked at Anita and said "Anita, sweetheart, the dogs live here, they live in our house ... everyone in America has dogs!" Her eyes just sank, she just stared at me as if to say "are you serious? I have to like this?!?!"

(Maxwell photographing Madorie.)

Maxwell has much more confidence with the dogs than Anita. Maxwell is almost fearless. Anita walks wearily and sometimes forgets she isn't afraid but she does well, given it's been less than 3 weeks. We are thankful for the prayers of confidence. Rainy wants to be their best friend, wants to play, and wants to steal their toys. She has decided their room is her new toy box. Oh my! Madorie just wants to be mama dog and hang out. They are most afraid of Madorie and yet, she is the sweetest one of them all. We think they are afraid of her b/c she pants the most. They don't understand doggie language so we are assuming b/c she pants and her teeth show, this is scary to them. They are learning, he he. And Beau, well, he just wants to sniff (or snuff, as Anita would say) and lay around. Being snuffed is simple now ... walking "around" the puppy piles is a little bit scary and a bit of a hurdle but their confidence is building. Each day brings more and more security with the puppies. They do enjoy them, they just aren't sure how and why. "Pets" are a new language ... they are adjusting, both kids and dogs.

Blogging ...

I've debated over and over on how to handle my blog updates. Having "time" is so different now. It's not a "bad different" it's just different. My exhaustion only comes at night. For the most part I'm having a blast running around with my munchkins. Waking up, eating breakfast, taking baths, getting dressed, off to school, learning with Maxwell, running errands, Maxwell taking a nap, eating lunch, playing, picking up Anita, more appointments, homework, learning, playing, eating dinner, settling down, greeting Daddy from work, reading a book, watching a movie, brushing our teeth, taking care of our hair, chatting, playing , packing lunches, packing snacks, and loving one another! The smiles and laughter continue. As we tuck them in, switch off the lights and lay with them till their breaths get heavy ... we tip toe out and we sigh as the day has been accomplished and we get to kiss them good night! It's a wonderful sigh, it's a peaceful sigh, it makes me smile. As I get myself ready for bed and I settle on the couch with the pups ... I pull open my laptop. I log on, read a few emails, scroll through Facebook, reply to what I can and then it suddenly happens ... my eyes shut. They are HEAVY, like weights. I want to write. I want to blog, I need to blog but my eyes just won't stay open. LOL. Adam looks at me and sweetly says "Hon, why don't you go to bed?"
So, I have decided, I'll write when I can and it may be random. But I need to write. I need to share. I want the children to have memories to look back on one day. If I don't log them, it will all just fly by ... Bare with me ... our adoption journey continues!

Mission Accomplished!!!

One week ago ... I had to feed them before we got on the "aeroplane" (as Maxwell would say.) We had one last meal of Jollof and Chicken. Our flight was scheduled to leave at 9:35. We arrived at the airport, at 7:15/7:30ish. It was packed! People everywhere! I had to explain to M & A they needed to be next to Mommy at all times ... I took a deep breath and silently said to myself "here goes nothing!" We quickly found the Delta check in and went through our first stage of suspicion, "Do you have proof they are your children?" "Yes." "Do you have the brown envelopes from the Embassy?" "Yes." On we went to the next stop ... same questions, same answers. As we reached the check in desk, the kids were in awe. They couldn't concentrate even if I wanted them too. They just kept staring. Loading the luggage on the conveyor was fascinating. Getting them to stay next to me was tough. We were handed our boarding tickets and asked to head to customs. As we approached, the officer asked the same questions as the first "Where are the children from? How long have I had them? Do they understand English?" I kindly answered and he asked the children direct questions. They answered them, with no prompting ... "Where are you going?" "America!" "Who is this with you?" "(With big smiles) Mommy!!!" I was then asked to turn around and take them to an immigration office. We walked in and sat down. They asked us for all the same documentation I had provided 3 times already. They asked me what orphanage we had adopted from, I answered. We were then excused. As we approached the customs window, same questions, same paperwork required. We were then asked to turn around and go out a different way, down a hallway, linking into a security line (basically cutting in front of a long line of people.) I'm not sure why, but I did as I was told. Well, this was going to be fun ... ugh ... security. Max's shoes off, Anita's shoes off, Max wait for the guard to tell you to go, Anita stand here and wait for Mommy, carry on through the conveyor, take out lap top, Mommy's shoes off, back pack on, M & A "wait for Mommy," shoes back on, laptop back in, don't stand in the way ... Ugh, that was tough! The little ones have no concept of lines and waiting or what they were even doing. LOL Our bags were checked one more time and we were asked to sit and wait to board. Within 5 minutes, we were on the bus, driving towards the plane. The kids were fascinated. Everything was so new, they couldn't stop staring. Getting them to focus was rough but we made it. As we walked onto the plane, our seats were not together. I sat them where they were assigned and had to explain I would be back. They happily obliged. Before take off, the 3 of us were in a row together. Whew! Thank you Delta! Right before take off, I gave them Benadryl. I know, I know, such a cheater, but 11 hours people, 11 hours!!! They slept about 9 1/2 of them, not comfortably or happily but they did it. I woke them up as they were serving breakfast ... they chose to eat the yogurt and that was pretty much it, LOL. Me too!
Our plane landed in Atlanta at 5:30 am. We went through customs and then were escorted to immigration. I had not idea what was going to happen in immigration so I went forward blindly. As I sat and sat and sat some more, I wondered how long it would really take? But then I just sat there in awe .. awe of how our US Immigration officers could be so rude to these people. I wanted to scream "they are human beings, can you treat them like one!!" As the hours passed and I watched our scheduled 8:30 flight be passed by, it was time to simply be patient. What else was I going to do? As 9:00/9:30 came, they called for the children. The officer said "we have our paperwork and here are their stamps for naturalization." Really!?!?! That's what I just sat 3 hours for ... a stamp?!!! Something that took you less than 5 minutes. Ugh!!!!
We then headed to the Delta desk b/c mommy had to get our tickets reissued. The Delta employee was very helpful and pleasant ... she placed on standby for the 11:00 flight and we were confirmed on the 2:50 flight. We had less than an hour to be at our stand by flight. I asked the kids to hold my one hand while I pulled the carry on w/ the other. They trustingly did so. As we approached the escalator, they just stared at it. I told them "When Mommy says go ... you need to go!" "One two three, go." And they walked. Maybe a little hesitant, but they did it and they rocked! They simply stared at the escalator, in awe of what they were on. Their faces were priceless. As we got upstairs, I quickly grabbed Popeye's chicken for the kids ... sticking to what they know!! They loved it! Mom was a hit. Sweet! We then headed to our stand by check in gate. Our names were on the list and as they boarded the plane, we watched our names get closer and closer and closer. The kids didn't understand but Mommy did. They took the last person and the 3 of us were left standing there. UGH! I wanted to cry and I did!
As I talked to Adam and released the tears, I sucked it up and we headed to a different terminal. There was no need to hurry, so we took our time. After coffee stops, several "wee wee" breaks, playing with mommy, and watching "cars," we were ready to board our flight!!! FOUR Hours, we would be home in four hours! Eeeekkk!!! As I buckled them in and got them ready for take off, it was quickly apparent the Benadryl was in full effect when we took off from Ghana. B/c as the plane prepared for take off in Atlanta, and we ascended into the air, the kids panicked and hung onto my arm tightly. They were obviously nervous. As time passed, Anita fell asleep but not little Maxwell. He was up and down in the seat. Pressing the TV, looking out the window, unbuckling his seat belt, buckling his seat belt, whimpering, on the floor, off the floor, ... he just couldn't settle. We were almost there. When we were 30 minutes out, I woke Anita up ... we were almost home!! I think I was ten times more excited than they were. As we walked out the gate, the first question asked "Mommy, is Daddy here?" "Yes! Daddy is here! ... lets go!" After a potty stop, we were on our way. "Where's Daddy? Mommy, where's Daddy?" "Keep moving! He's here." As we approached the escalator, I could see all of them! I wanted to run, but I couldn't. I just looked down at my two little faces and their smiles said it all. They could see their American Family and they just looked and grinned. They were in America and they couldn't wait to meet their new family and friends!!!

"Grandmother"

I didn't know what to expect. I really had no idea how to prepare. I was going to meet their grandmother! We were told she would be here between 8 and 10 this morning. Ten o'clock came and went. At about 11:00 am, Auntie Miriam (from the foster home) walked in but no one was behind her. She happily and yet quietly said, "Anna, their Grandmother and Uncle are here to see you." Anita knew what was happening and she happily skipped outside. Maxwell looked at me blankly as I took his hand and we headed out to the patio. There the Grandmother sat with their Uncle Daniel. A beautiful, aged grandmother ... Grandmother Victoria. Their Uncle sat there with a smile of joy. I couldn't do anything but hug her. I simply thanked her over and over. I'm sure my hugs are so odd to Ghanaian's, but heck, I'm a hugging person. Here is this crazy white girl that just wants to hug everybody ... male, female, old and young. It's my happiness and joy coming out. As we sat, we were all silent for awhile. Miriam translated for us because the Uncle and Grandmother speak Ga. Anita just stood by her Uncle, happy as happy could be. You couldn't but help smile. I learned the Uncle had been doing what he could to help support Anita and Maxwell but it was extremely difficult. He is only able to find odd jobs and the grandmother is too old to work. Food is very very difficult to get when there is no money. I asked about their mother but Miriam wouldn't even translate. She quickly shook her head "no" and it was understood their mother is not discussed. Maxwell wasn't so sure about them being there, perhaps there was fear he wasn't going to America. I reassured him, it was ok. Then all of a sudden their Grandmother started talking to Miriam. I just sat with Maxwell on my lap and listened. Miriam looked at me and translated ... (I will do what I can to write without tears ...) She kindly said: "She feels so thankful and blessed for Adam and I. She is overjoyed with happiness ... she is just so so so happy! She has prayed and prayed for someone to take care of these children and now the time has come. She continues to pray God will take care of them and bless them. But more, that Adam and I will be blessed by our kindness in adopting them. She said they are our children now and she wants us to take them as our own! (Yup, didn't make it without tears!) What she said was beautiful. I started balling, tears streaming down my face. Here sat their grandmother, so so so happy her grandchildren were going to have a better life than what she could provide. I stood up and just hugged her and couldn't stop. There was pure love and thankfulness radiating and I had to convey it somehow. And then she started crying too. I told them they were tears of joy as were the grandmother's tears. I explained Anita and Maxwell will have an immense amount of love in their life and we cannot express how thankful we are to have them as our children. Adam and I are so excited to be their parents and to raise them to be respectful, beautiful adults. And hopefully one day, if and when they are ready, they can return to visit their home country. Their Uncle simply smiled a smile of joy the whole time. It was beautiful. He was a kind man and you could easily tell he loves Anita and Maxwell immensely! He told us "he can now rest in prayer b/c he has been praying so so much for their adoption to be final. He now feels at peace and is so so happy! He will continue to pray for all of us in the years to come."
I then asked if there was anything she wanted me to teach them down the road or anything she would want them to remember. She just shook her head and told us "No, no, I am just so so so so happy! I'm just so happy God has provided and He is giving them a beautiful life."
I'm not sure my words can convey the pure joy the visit brought to me. It was so much more than I could have imagined. The two people who were struggling to care for our children have prayed so fervently God would provide a better life for them. Adam and I are who they have prayed for! To be told you are a blessing and gift to some one's life is a feeling tough to describe. I sit in awe of God's amazing love ... Love that brings cultures from across the world, together!

God's Love ... through Rice

(I'm sorry I don't have pictures, getting them to upload on blogspot is not happening, I can only get them to upload on Facebook.)
FRIDAY: I woke up exhausted. There was every part of my addiction for coffee kicking in and I badly wished Starbucks was somewhere to be found! (I can't wait to arrive in Atlanta, LOL.) But, there wasn't. As we all tried to wake up, or should I say just me, we bathed, got dressed, ate and waited around until Uncle Percy came back from his meeting. Anita and Maxwell simply wake up, each one says "Mommy, I wee wee." They walk to the bathroom and wait for me. Then, they want to brush their teeth and take a bath. After the bath, there is literally NO sleepy children. They are wide wide awake and it's time for "mom" to kick into gear, LOL.
Once Uncle Percy arrived, we headed out with the O'Leary family again, on another "Feeding the Orphans" ministry day. We headed to Enoch's home (the foster home where Maxwell and Anita were,) picked up rice, fish, biscuits, and kalleypoo (juice.) As always the children were very happy to see Percy's van arrive. Anita was excited b/c she wanted to "see her friends." We delivered the food, hung out for a bit, took some last pictures of Anita and Maxwell with their friends and Aunties and we headed out. There is always a part of wondering if the children will be sad to say good-bye to what they have called "home" for so long and yet, there has been no sadness. I think they will miss their friends but nothing more ... they are "going to America!"
As we drove away, we were on our way to Teshe. In Teshe we were meeting up with a missionary couple who have opened up an orphanage and are in the process of building a school for the children. Their mission here is to help eliminate child trafficking in the Volta region, where it is prevalent. Two of the children in the home have recently been rescued. One is a boy, probably age 8, 9, or 10 (he doesn't know) was rescued from been sold into trafficking as a fisherman. And the other is a girl, Abigal, possibly age 11 or 12, sold or stolen into trafficking as a family slave. Many parents of trafficked children are either deceived into letting their children go, the children are stolen, or bought. It is horribly sad and yet, so much more common than we know. Just last week, Stacy and John, were able to rescue a van full of children on their way to being trafficked! All of the children had no idea what was to come. It is Stacy and John's hope to educate these Village leaders and to inform those performing trafficking it is against the law and to save the innocent from a life they don't have to live. Their mission field is large and yet, this is where God has called them to serve. I pray God gives Stacy and John the financial support to continue their ministry and places it heavy on hearts to support their mission field. While Kristie and I stayed back at the orphanage, a few others headed to the market to purchase food which was going to be cooked and boxed for 600 street children in Teshe, Yes, 600 of them!! All the boxes would be delievered Saturday evening. All 600 children, fed, by "Feeding the Orphans!" The O'Leary families hearts are huge and their efforts have spread far and wide in less than 7 days!!! God's Love has been conveyed strongly ... all starting in the small act of distributing rice!

"Feeding the Orphans"

I apologize for not writing more sooner but the Internet within the hotel is spotty at night and sometimes makes it difficult. Writing during the day is almost impossible, especially when we get to be a part of "Feeding the Orphans" ministry. As we set out on our day Thursday, it was quick to be a full one!
THURSDAY: Kristie, Helen, Sydney, Anita, and I headed out to the "salon" to see about getting the girls hair done. Ree was staying back at the hotel with the boys and we were thankful. We drove up to the salon, which seemed to be on the outskirts of the city. To me, it appeared to look like a "village" but I have been informed this is a very typical town. "Villages" are much much worse! The salon itself is smaller than Maxwell and Anita's bedroom. The women chatted among themselves and discussed Anita's hair and then they told her to sit and they got started. She quietly sat there, didn't say a word, and the women went to work. It was the fastest thing I've seen and yet, we sat there for 3 hours. She got "water curls" put in her hair. I'm not sure Anita knew what she wanted or didn't want but the women at the hotel helped me decide and we love it. Anita now stands in front of the mirror playing with her hair, putting it up, taking it down, and wearing her cap at night. I'm sure there is a very large part of her that feels likes a princess!
As we sat at the salon waiting, the little neighborhood kids next door (yes, there was a house literally touching distance from the salon)kept peeking around to look at us and see what we were doing. After awhile, I finally motioned them to "come." "Come" in Ghana is like waving hi in America. If you wave hi with your fingers in lieu of waving your hand left to right, you are motioning for them to come. One by one, the little children came and sat next to me on the step. I would ask them their name and their age and they would happily reply. Again, validation and love, that's all they wanted and you could see it made their day! There were no adults looking for them, they weren't worried about running home, they just simply sat. I would take pictures and they would get so excited. "Snap" and then they would run back to me and look at the pictures. It was all so innocent and so fun and so peaceful. The children danced for us, sang for us, and one had a bike. They would take turns riding just so they could show us they knew how, most time w/ no shoes on the dirt road. It was fun to giggle and laugh with such beautiful little faces. As we sat longer and longer, I knew Anita was getting hungry and I was thirsty. I asked the children to take me to a store. We walked a little ways and there was a lady selling random snacks. She had frozen "Yogo's" ... frozen yogurt. I bought 15 for a total of 2.50 cedi, um... the cheapest snacks I've ever bought! They were ecstatic, jumping up and down, the biggest smiles ever. They simply said "Thank you" and one very handsome boy, Eema, said "Are you coming tomorrow?" "Awww, sorry, but no." It's all that simple ... to be acknowledged and loved unconditionally. Nothing grand. Nothing spectacular. A simple glimpse of love spread to adorable little children.
Once we arrived back at the hotel, we quickly grabbed lunch and jumped in the van. Us, the Turner's, were headed out with the O'Leary's on their "Feeding the Orphans" Ministry. It was going to be a full day. As we headed to the first Foster Home, Sydney's dad, Ree bought Rice and toilet paper for the Foster Homes we were planning to visit. Simple items which mean a lot and go a long ways. The roads were bumpy, some were paved and some were not. Lots of pot holes and lots of traffic. The first home we visited was a foster home with 8-10 children run by a man named Paul. By American standards, the conditions were not great, ok, they were really really difficult to see, but this is home for them. And we are continually reminded, the foster homes are nice compared to where the children come from. Ugh! The youngest child was 2 and the oldest, 14. It's always hard for me b/c there is "true happiness" missing from these faces. I wish there was a way to just make them genuinely smile. As we walk into these homes, Anita and Maxwell tend to cling tightly. They have yet to convey what they are feeling, but I can only imagine there is a slight fear they are staying there. I have to continually remind them, I am not leaving.
As we headed to the next orphanage, we were kind of lost and couldn't find the next place to be. And as we went to make a right turn, I looked up and said "Kristie, Kristie ... it's "Love a lot Orphanage!" We both just sat there and stared. Here is why ... While Kristie and I were at the salon, a teenage girl was sitting there helping with Anita's hair off and on. Eventually she stood and walked to Kristie and asked her if she visited orphanages. Kristie said "Yes, we are delivering food to orphanages while we are here, are you in an orphanage?" The young girl shook her head no. We were then able to find out her mom works at an orphanage and it's called "Love a lot Orphanage." Now, if that wasn't God working, I'm not sure what is!!!
We then headed off go to the next orphanage, CKO. This orphanage is run by a pastor, named John. He is a young man with a large heart. His love for his children radiates. The children in the home are kind, respectful, and most have truly genuine smiles. They are thankful for us to be there and they continually tells us "thank you" and "God Bless You!" And these praises all come from simple items donated by "Feeding the Orphans" ... items as simple at toilet paper and a large bag of rice. John's orphanage is very organized and run well. The conditions are "run down" but it is still "nice" when in comparison to others. The girls like to sit and talk and the boys have serious matches of soccer! Your heart feels peaceful when you are amongst those at CKO. "Feeding the Orphans" has set up a fund for their children to be sponsored for $20 a month. $20 a month will ensure the children eat 3 meals a day.
As the sun started to set and our day was coming to an end, it was time to head back to the hotel. The children were doing well but getting tired and worn out. We stopped and picked up fried chicken, rice, and jollof. As we sat in traffic Anita asked "Mommy, what is my full name?" "Anita Esinam Turner" ... she repeated it and started to giggle. She then says "Mommy, what is Daddy's name?" "Adam." She sat there for a second and said "If Daddy's name is Adam, like Adam in the Bible, then why is your name Anna and not Eve?" I just started laughing, I couldn't help it. It had to be one of the cutest darn things ever! I'm glad she knows the Bible!
A couple minutes later, at about 7:30/8:00 at night, Anita looks out the front window and it's bumper to bumper traffic. Mind you, we have been traveling in a van from place to place since about 1:30 that afternoon. We were all tired. She looks out the window and says "OH! Mommy! I guess we are not going home. I guess we will sleep in the van." Kristie and I lost it. Totally started laughing. You might have had to of been there. She was happy as can be but just chalked it up to never really making it where we were supposed to go b/c of all the traffic. Her thought process was cute. To say we wore them out was an understatement. I quickly fed them when we got to the hotel, gave them a bath and read them a book ... they were asleep before the book was finished. Too cute ... two little heads, laying in my lap, sound sound asleep!

"Gotcha" Day

Just as a friend posted, today, September 1st, 2010 is our "Gotcha Day!" The day we got the children Visa's. Our day was fun-filled hanging out with the O'Leary Family. The kids slept in, well, not really ... they naturally wake up around 7:00 am. Maxwell taps me and the first thing he says is "Mommy, I go wee wee." Good morning to you too, little man. LOL. Shortly thereafter, Anita walks in and says the same. And then it's strip down time and in the bath they go. After that, they are wide wide wide awake! Crazy munchkins. They love the bath and yet they squirm like little worms when I spray them with water. It's kind of funny. They love to soap up and scrub and be all clean.
We headed to the "Game" mall and walked around for a bit. Then we let the children play on a little playground for our paid 30 minutes. Trust me, the workers don't let you go over the 30 minutes by a second! Maxwell and Anita loved the slide. Down and down and down, over and over again. Anita finally would try the bounce house and would just giggle as she jumped. Maxwell just stood there, he didn't seem to think he could even hop. It was kind of funny. After trying everything he wanted to, he just walked over and put his shoes on. He was done. We then ate pizza (yes, they make pizza in Ghana ... think, frozen pizza from the grocery, LOL.) The kids chose to have it. Maxwell ate 3 1/2 pieces. Really?!?! More than mommy and Anita! We might have to take out a food loan just for him. Sometimes it's hard b/c he really wants to eat ALL the time and when I say "ALL," I literally mean "all" the time. He ate breakfast this morning, omelet, toast, and beans and milk. He ate every bite. Not even 30 minutes later, he says "Mommy, I want a biscuit." And this happens all day long. Finally tonight, I had to tell both of them, right after eating dinner and them asking for more food that they couldn't eat ALL day, every minute, that Mommy and Daddy will not let them starve and they will always have food. So hard for them to understand. Especially when I see them so so uncomfortable b/c they have gorged themselves all day long.
As 2:00 approached, we left the mall to catch a cab. I gave ourselves 1 hour to get back to the hotel, changed, and to the embassy. Well, Accra traffic is awful. I was stressing like crazy. Our visa pickup was for 3:00, we had to be there by 3! I'm not going to risk messing with the embassy at this point. I told the driver to just take me to the embassy and not the hotel. He was such a nice man. He asked the kids if they would let their mommy adopt him too? They just stared at him and smiled. He looked at me and said "I want to be adopted." WOW, really? He was older too. So many people want to come to America, they genuinely want a shot at something better and although we see our culture as struggling at times, it doesn't compare to the lives some of these people live and want so desperately out of. We all didn't choose to be born where we were, it is simply the hand that was dealt to us. And at times I ponder this and realize how truly truly blessed I really really am!!! He got us to the embassy at 2:45. Perfect! As I opened the door for the kids to get out, Anita started to cry. She took one look at the embassy and remembered our 3 hour wait from yesterday. She wanted nothing of it. Maxwell had already bargained for Plantation Chips, so he was going in no matter what. LOL. I explained to Anita she would be fine and that we needed to get Visa's for America. She, then, happily came along. And of course, there is nothing a biscuit (cookie) won't help! As I handed the guards my email from the embassy I was good until I got inside the Consular section. And the guard looked at me strangely and made a phone call. Oh, did my heart jump! I just stood there calmly. Didn't say anything and then he says "Window 1, got to Window 1." We did and handed a lady our email. Within 5 minutes they called the "Turner Babies" and a very nice officer handed me the children Visa's. Really?!? They were really there. Ahhh!! I told him thank you and the children smiled so big at him and told him thank you and off we went. I felt like I needed some bullet proof bag to be holding what I was. I kept checking there were my folder and I hadn't dropped them. I wanted to hug somebody! Me and my dang hugs. It was something we have worked so hard for. I was cherishing them tightly.
Adam, my sis, and family are getting the house ready for the little ones. We will be flying home on Sunday from Accra and arriving in San Diego Monday morning. Anita keeps singing "We go to America on Sunday, we got to America on Sunday!" Oh little ones, you just have NO idea how many people in your life love you so much!!!

Busy but GREAT day!

The things I have learned today:
- an 11 year old, working for God can truly make big things happen! "Feeding the Orphans" rocks!
- Maxwell and Anita are scared of dogs, um, not good. And yet, they say they won't be scared of "Mommy and Daddy's" dogs. Yeah, we'll see ...
- Most children in an orphanage or foster home simply want to be touched or held. Nothing more, nothing less .. they like to be validated and noticed. Easy enough!
- Taking two children to sit at the embassy for 3 hours (no food, water or electronics allowed) is not the easiest nor wisest thing to do, but we made it without too many breakdowns.
- Maxwell literally falls asleep 10 minutes or less from our destination while riding in the car. Happens every time.
- What the children did like the last trip, they don't like this trip. Really!?!? LOL

I got hardly any sleep last night. I went to bed at 2:00 am Ghana time. Ugh. Then I tossed and turned for another hour. Alarm went off at 6:00 am, time to get ready to head to the embassy again. Managed to get a shower in before the munchkins woke up. Sweet! They were literally awake as I got out. Perfect timing. Baths, dressed, breakfast and out the door by 8:20 am. We got our own cab and he took us to the embassy. We went in and waited and waited and waited some more. After several minor breakdowns by the kids, I figured I should ask the guard about our case. He was very nice and said "You here early, right?" Yup, since 8:30! And at this point it was 11:20. Yikes. Maxwell had constant tears and Anita was trying to hold it together. Given the circumstance, I can't much blame them. They were hungry, they were thirsty, they wanted to go ... as did Mommy. The embassy doesn't allow any food or drinks or electronics ... so you sit with bare minimums. Found out Anita can write her name! And well, Maxwell can't. I was nervous to even be called to our officer's window b/c I was just there yesterday. But after the help from he guard, two of the embassy officers apologized profusely for my wait time. I simply asked if "there was "anything" I could do to expedite our case. I would really like to wrap things up this week." The officer said "No, but I worked on your case a lot yesterday and I think we'll have an answer within the next day or two." I almost broke out in tears! Seriously. I thanked him many times over and we headed back to the foster home. So proud of my little ones. They didn't cause a scene, but simply were frustrated.
As we came back to the hotel, the O'Leary's were ready to go and be out on their first delivery of donations. I was so excited to be a part of "Feeding the Orphans." I got all 3 of us changed and fed for lunch and we waited for P. Then off we went. As we drove into the first orphanage and got out, we were greeted by so many amazing kids and adults. They were so appreciative and Kristie and Sydney hadn't even done anything yet. Too cute ... too awesome. The kids simply want hugs and to be held. In which we did. Maxwell and Anita were not happy. They were so very scared. They wouldn't even get out of the van at first b/c they thought I was leaving them. Ugh. I reassured them I wasn't. Then, they both became very protective. Maxwell would push the others away and say "no, my mommy." How hard it is for them to be so scared "their mommy" could so easily be taken away. This is reality for them. Reassurance for my two was in constant need today. Sydney (11 yr. old running "Feeding the Orphans") brought her bag of school supplies and misc.. items. They loved it! Every single item. It was amazing and so cool to watch.
As we drove away, we then headed to Max and Anita's foster home to drop off more donations by Sydney. Anita asked if she was staying and I told her "no, you're coming home with mommy." After that, she was as content as could be. Her and Maxwell played with their friends and ran around. They also decided to have a "last meal" at the foster home. Really?!? White rice and chili paste. Must have wanted it b/c they ate and their little tummies were sticking out when they finished. The foster children loved their school supplies and sang us a bunch of songs. The more you see the children, the more your heart breaks for each one to have a forever home! One orphan at a time!
We left the home pretty late. We were 5 minutes from the hotel and Max and Anita were passed out! Dead little weights. I have now figured out Maxwell falls asleep 5 to 10 minutes before we reach our destination. It's kind of funny b/c it happens every time. What's even cuter is that he'll be singing looking out the window and all of sudden his little head just starts bobbing and he falls into my lap.
When we got to the hotel, I didn't need to feed them dinner b/c they had full stomachs already. Had them take a quick bath, put on their pajamas and then they each got a mini banana, tiny piece of chocolate, and strawberry milk! WoW, right? Well, treats for these two for sure!
I heard my phone deliver a text message so I went to see who it was from. It was from Adam and it read "I got an email from the embassy...they issued the visas!!!" Are you kidding?!?! I wanted to run and hug somebody, I wanted to jump up and down. Ahhh!! So, I looked at the kids and said "Guess what?" And they just stared at me. Then I said "we got your Visa's!" They just stared again. And then I said "Mommy can take you to America!" And they lost it. They were so excited! Anita started jumping up and down, shaking her bootie dancing, and Maxwell just grinned. They were ecstatic. I ran right out to tell Kristie and she and I hugged and rejoiced together!! It was an awesome moment for sure. Right before bed, Anita says to Max as she's singing it "We go to America, we go to America, tomorrow!" Well little one, not tomorrow but soon, very soon.
It will forever be remembered. Adam crying, our families crying, me crying and none of us were together to share in the tears .. but we were all together in heart!! Thank You for the continued prayers and shield of protection!!! Words cannot express my thankfulness ... truly!!! I have a lump in my throat as I write this b/c I wish there was a deeper way to truly show what each one of you mean to me during this journey! All prayers were felt big time and there's nothing like following God in what He guides us to do! Amen to that!

A Good Sign ...

We woke up at 6 am to get ready for our embassy appointment. All 3 of us, showered, dressed, and fed before 7:50 am. Then out the door we went with Uncle P to the US Embassy. I gave the guards my email stating I can meet with an officer. They let us in. It was packed! People everywhere. And of course the many many stares of Maxwell and Anita with their white mommy. Oh well, I didn't care. After about 40 minutes, they called our case. As I walked up to the window, I told the officer I was granted to come in and follow my case (I handed him the email.) He said thank you. And then I said, "and here are their passports," slid them through the window and he said "ok, thank you." (THANK YOU GOD ... THANK YOU FAMILY AND FRIENDS FOR PRAYING!! Please keep them coming.) He then proceeded to tell me why the case was taking so long, which really wasn't anything different than before. Either way, I explained our situation and that I need to travel home this weekend. He said they will try and expedite. I asked him if there was anything else I needed to provide, he said no. So, I take it as a positive the embassy has the passports in hand!
I've decided to praise every "single mom" out there. This little "single mom" gig is tough! The children are beyond excited to stay with me. Happy they don't have to go back to the home. They continue to ask where their Daddy is and this is a bit heart wrenching b/c they sincerely want him here. They continue to ask hoping the answer will change. But I guess all in all, they are extremely hopeful they will be seeing their Daddy in America! Anita prayed for "Friday" tonight. I asked "why Friday" and she giggled. She knows that if we get Visa's on Friday, we get to come home. She is hanging onto this tightly and with a giant smile as she says "America!"
Both the children have pretty bad stomach issues this time around. But they won't stop eating. And yet their little tummy's are protruding and they are uncomfortable. We are on a 30 minute "wee wee" and "poo poo" cycle right now. This just might make me go crazy. Sometimes bathroom trips are games for them and yet, they sincerely have to go too. It's a battle b/c if one has to go well suddenly that makes the other one's bladder take effect too. LOL. I'm sure you parents relate!
Maxwell and Anita begged me to take them swimming today. Begged me! So, we got all suited up (except for me b/c I forgot mine) and we headed to the pool. Anita climbed right in and Maxwell sat there, floaty's on and all. But he would have nothing to do with it. Wouldn't even attempt it. He sat on the edge w/ me while our feet dangled and Anita just swam around in circles, panicking that she wasn't going anywhere and couldn't' reach the wall. She was fine. I finally just lifted Maxwell in the water and he freaked out! Started screaming and crying hysterically. He wasn't drowning, not even close. Poor guy thinks he wants to swim and yet, just sits there and stares at the water.
We're all doing well. The word "no" hasn't taken effect in their little minds. More or less, they giggle and do it again. It's a bit frustrating but we're working it out. They continue to not let me out of their sight, literally. They run after me, even if I'm headed to the kitchen.
Keep praying my friends, we need it! God is good, all the time! We want to come home very soon, so very very soon!

On a mission

Some may be wondering ... how the heck did you just up and leave to Ghana? Well, here goes a few recaps of the past few days. We have been emailing the US Embassy Accra for several days with multiple emails. We kept asking for an appointment and we would simply get blanket responses. It was all very frustrating. And THEN ... we got an email on Thursday stating we could go the Embassy on the 30th and/or 31st to speak to an officer regarding our case. So you guessed it. Adam booked my flight and out I flew on Saturday all the way to Ghana. Single mommy ... here I come! Luckily there are 2 other families here right now, so I'm not "alone."
I flew out of San Diego on a full flight. Sat next to a couple for 4 hours and just as were landing I decided to ask them where they were from. They both said San Diego. She then asked where I was headed and I said Ghana, Africa. She simply just stared at me in shock. Then she asked why and I said "we're adopting." Then she stared at her husband in shock because guess what they're coming to Ghana to do ... adopt!!! Her husband is Ghanaian, so it was fun to share with them and I'm sure they will have a much different journey but they are here to find out their options. Needless to say, there will be another Ghana adopting family in San Diego!! Always a small world.
The flight from Atlanta to Accra was quite turbulent. I HATE turbulence and normally I have Adam to grip hold of but not this time. I tried to sleep through it but just as I would doze, shake, shake, bump bump. I got some sleep but not as much as I would have liked. Either way, I'm here.
Percy dropped us off at the Pentagon Hotel, along w/ the other families. He asked if we wanted him to bring the children and we said "yes!" So, we all sat around (literally) and waited a couple hours. And in they walked!! All the little ones ... all ready to see "Mommy's" and "Daddy's." I'm not sure my smile could have radiated anymore. Anita saw me and zoomed right over as did Maxwell. We could tell they all had been sleeping on their way here b/c they were awfully quiet. As I took first family pictures for the O'Leary's, Anita and Maxwell simply clung to my leg. I just kept smiling, kissing them, and telling them I love them. It's all so natural how much I love those two faces. Of course we ate chicken, jollof, and rice which the little ones managed to scarf down without a blink. They would have kept eating had I let them. I told them we would have more tomorrow. The showed my their full tummy's and then we were off to get ready for bed. Before going to our room, Maxwell looked at me and says "Mommy, where's Daddy?" Ugh!! I knew he would ask but they both wanted to know where their Daddy is. I explained he had to stay home in America. Anita's face lit up and said ... "we go see Daddy in America!" "Yes, sweet girl ... Mommy's here to try and make that happen." We watched a little Dora (not sure how all you mom's watch that stuff, LOL, Dora's lips move without words coming out... um, yeah.) Anita has a pretty bad runny nose and it's irritating her but all in all, we fell right back into place. They simply want to be touched and loved and adored.
They know we're going to the embassy tomorrow, they're excited. They do know it's the embassy that has to allow them to come to America. Their faces light up and yet, I have nothing to report on this mission. But, I am on a mission and it's time to complete it successfully!
Pray tonight please, I will need lots of strength and wisdom for tomorrow! On a mission ... on a mission!

Breaking Down ...

Let me set the stage first: I work for a construction company. I also work "onsite" in a construction trailer with 10 male co-workers. So ... one of my co-worker's (who I workout with) got back from vacation this week. He told me Monday we were working out Tuesday. Sweet! Now is good time to get my workouts back on track. And then, I left the house and forgot my stuff. Ugh! I didn't remember until half way to work. So, my co-worker comes up to me and asks "Turner, what time are we working out?" ... "Um, yeah, I forgot my stuff." He then proceeds to joke with me and banter, as he always does, everyday. Normally, I can take it, and it keeps me going, and I laugh a lot (which is a life saver,) BUT ... as he says "T, how could you forget your stuff!?!?" I looked at him and said so softly, "I don't know, I'm not thinking straight, I'm losing it, (my voice cracked) ..." and Yup, you got it. I started balling!! Tears streaming down my face! Poor guy. He just stood there and felt awful and didn't know what to say. What was he supposed to say? What he asked had nothing to do with our kids but I guess I can only hold it in for so long. He can't bring my kids home ... heck, I can't even bring them home. Oh man! Here I was, a sobbing mess, to my MALE co-worker. Thankfully, he's a Friend and there's always a reason God puts certain people in our lives at certain times. So, after my teary session, Adam willingly brought my workout gear to me ... and I battled it out ... 20 minutes of running and some ridiculous interval sets of nonsense he found for us to do! Well, thank goodness, a little stress was released, in more ways than one!
A breakdown for me ... smiled in the end!

Nothing, ok something, but really Nothing

NOthing to post :( ... ok, something, but I say "nothing" b/c I don't like the answer ... this is just me being REAL and being frustrated! Two families were awarded Visa's last week and are offically home with their little ones! This should be a good sign for us but heck, I really don't know. They were "in Ghana" b/c they chose to travel and we have been advised not to so we don't get "stuck" for an indefinite amount of time. But, I'm starting to think b/c they were there, it might have had bearing. I'm lost, so very lost at what I can possbily do to make the situation any better. I have prayers surrounding us daily, family wanting their new additions here with us, and everyone is confident God is going to answer. But, we prayed for specifics and our specifics didn't happen. God can move mountains, this I know. He for sure can move embassy paperwork, I have to have Faith in that!
We finally received a blanket response from the embassy on Wednesday, 08/18 saying they are performing an I-604 investigation which could take weeks if not months. (The embassy is investigating the legitimacy of each case and ensuring the children have not been trafficked.) This we knew. We have responded saying we have "turned in all paperwork required and all investigation interviews have been attended and completed for the I-604 investigation." We now are asking for an additional interview to drop off their passports. We are at the mercy of the US Embassy. Aside from traveling and taking our chances, emailing and calling is all we can pretty much do. And this, we might just have to do. But hey, I would be with my children, right?!?!?
... not an easy update ... but shoot, it's something ...

The Wait is taking its Toll

I would like to consider myself emotionally strong and grounded and confident but today wasn't that day. Well, Adam may think "emotionally strong" isn't any day, LOL. But that's ok. I've had my fair share of doubts, welled up tears, and moments I just wanted to lay my head down and sob. I'm lucky to have so many friends checking in on me and asking how I'm doing. Without them, I would be wreck ... I just might be curled up in my pajamas fighting the day. I truly believe God allows me to feel sad and He's kindly watching. I talk to him softly in my head, wondering when our prayers will be answered. I know it's in His time but I also know my heart can't take much more. We debate whether to travel and just spend time with Maxwell and Anita and then we contemplate the reality of this and we know the possible time this could really take. So, to say my brain is "full" ... well, that might be an understatement. To say "I'm emotionally drained" ... "yes, for sure!" I want to be giddy, I want to be calm again, I want to be reassured that by us staying here (in the States, that this is the correct decision.) I guess it's just all taking its toll.
Our in country facilitator is waiting for an email from the US Embassy stating he can drop of the kids passports. Once the Embassy has the passports, this should be a positive sign. They will need the passports in order to insert the Visa's. The Visa's are what we are waiting on in order to travel! Thus, I pray the US Embassy will want the kids passports on Monday and we will hear that we are going to granted Visa's on Friday. We can pray for specifics right? Well God, I'm here, waiting for your timing ... I'm just asking for your timing to be next week!

Sad but Calm ...

As our journey continues, I sometimes struggle with what to write. I have so many of my own questions and sometimes I start to doubt things too. For those who have never watched or followed an adoption journey it would be easy to think "she makes things up along the way." One day things are going smoothly and I confidently say "within in a month" or "within a couple weeks!" And then suddenly it's 3+ weeks or months or we simply "don't know." But, what I have learned is as much as I want everything to be planned and dates firm, well, International Adoption has many changing rules ... constantly changing procedures and rules! UGH! I want to yell UGH! But, I silently do so, in the back of my mind and yet, I'm at peace. A weird, unexplainable peace ... not really, I know it's God, God pouring his calming peace on me.
Anita and Maxwell's exit interview will hopefully be attended, via Power of Attorney, by our facilitator on Monday or Tuesday. Once the packet is submitted, we have been informed it could be 3+ weeks before the Visa's are issued. This is where my "Ugh" comes into play. Visa's used to be issued in a matter of days and now the US Embassy is conducting full investigations on all adoption cases. One might be wondering "what are they investigating and why?" Well, a few things (thank you Brady for shedding light on this) ... *Do the children meet the definition of orphans? **How did the children come to be in the care of the foster home? ***How did they come to be selected by an adoption agency? Basically, the embassy wants to be sure nothing illegal is going on, they want to understand how the Ghana adoption system truly works and they want to be sure our facilitator is not buying kids and their bio mom completely understands what is happening. So, all this being said ... we are thankful for the protection and yet we just pray the process to be quicker and the truth will prevail quickly ... as it always does! So, although I'm sad by the added time, I'm calm in the truth of God and His Love and His Light in our lives. We simply pray ... let's bring our beautiful Anita and handsome Maxwell home!

Packet, Interview, Visa's

As soon as we received our I-600 approval, we could then email the Consular section asking for a date to pick up our "packet" and the next sequence of events. So, we sent off our email on Friday, 07/23. Monday .. Tuesday ... Wednesday ... came and went. The other two families we filed with got their response emails and were asked to pick up their packets on Wednesday. Well, as Wednesday came, we knew we wanted and needed our packet picked up! But we had no confirmation and then all of sudden, there it was! The confirmation from the Consular to pick up our packet on any Wednesday. But, the email came too late and P couldn't get it in time. Thus, we wait another week. "Patience," I'm learning a dear dear lesson on Patience! But, VBS was in full swing, so I was beyond distracted, although I did shed a tear or two wanting so badly for my munchkins to be in the backseat singing and dancing with their silly mama!
Once our packet is retrieved, we can schedule an exit interview. Upon the interview, we will find out when Visa's will or "should" be issued. This is where a snag or two can possibly come into play. The other two families had their exit interviews today ... they were both told Visa's could take up to a month! As my heart sinks, I'm thankful to be prepared vs. shocked. Now we wait, we wait for our direction and plan of events to come with our packet, interview and Visa's...
It's not an exciting post ... but it's a post of info ... keep praying my friends!!!

I600 ... APPROVED!

They said 30 days max and it was exactly 30 days for us to hear from USCIS in Ghana. We have received I-600 approval for Maxwell and Anita from our Embassy!!! We are now onto the next few steps before traveling to bring them home. E-mail the consulate. File paperwork. Schedule an interview. And lastly, obtain the children's Visa's. Step by step we will get there. As Ghana continues to fine tune their adoption process we are thankful our steps are being completed and we are one, two, and three steps closer to bringing our children home.
As I tell people "We got I-600 approval" my voice cracks. It's all joy! It's all happiness. My sister said it best ... "they are really coming home!? They are coming home! Oooohhh, I just got butterflies!" I smiled as I listened. Yup! It's really happening. Keep praying ... God is good, ALL the time!

Vacant

Their eyes say so much ... there's a vacancy. I can't explain it. It makes me sad. The sadness transfers to me and I want to know "why?" Why the vacancy my child? Who stole the life that should fill you up? Adam and I's hearts are EXTREMELY heavy tonight. The reality that our children probably face more and endure more than we want to know about, is great. I feel helpless. What do we do. I want to get on a plane. I want to go and rescue so many innocent little ones. I need my children home! They need to be home. They need their innocence protected. I pray for STRONG PROTECTION over our children and the many others. I pray to our God who is mighty and powerful and loving and just. This picture was taken within the last week. Our Anita no longer has the beautiful smile we left her with. She has the vacant eyes we saw so many months ago, in so many pictures. "Please God, provide us with I600 approval this week and Visa's to follow. Please give us calmness and understanding. Take the heaviness off our hearts. Give us the knowledge you want us to have."

The Simplicity

As I spoke with a co-worker the other day about our trip to Ghana she asked if I was ready for the kids to be here? Without hesitation, I said "yes!" And then I caught myself. 4 weeks ago I wouldn't have said yes. 4 weeks ago, I could have given you a mile long list of why I wasn't ready and how I had "so much to do." As I thought it through I realized how SIMPLE Anita and Maxwell's lives are. Unfortunately, we, their parents, make it more complicated. We traveled to Ghana with two suitcases and a carry on. The suitcases and the carry on held all 4 of our things. Toys included. We had five outfits for each of them. And five may have been too much. It's probably safe to assume A&M wear the same outfits over and over at the foster home. The choice of outfits are not there. Heck, "choices" aren't there, period. As they were given their gift bags from an Auntie and Foster Brother and Sister ... these simple bags filled with simple items seemed to be more than enough. A sticker book, bowl, cup, toy, and sunglasses. That simple. Adam and I gave them each a watch and one extra toy. This was already overload after two days. There was no need to open the carry on and give them more. They had their sunglasses (spades,) their bag, their toys in their bags, and they were set. Daddy and Maxwell had their suitcase and Mommy and Anita had their suitcase. Nothing more was needed. We had soap. We had shampoo. We each had a toothbrush. We could brush our hair and wash our face and we could comfortably crawl into bed at night.
I realized how much stressing I've done simply worried that our American home and life is not ready for them. But in reality, our American lives are MORE than ready. Probably too ready. Their lives are so simple. And as much as they embrace the complicated and the idea of things being "theirs" or "mine" as they say, all this new stuff wreaks havoc and causes stress b/c they now have choices, things to take care of, things to protect, ... things that are "mine." Have we ever thought how stressful choices are, LOL. I smile because they smile. I smile because this new mama has realized how to sit back and know her children really want to be with their forever mommy and daddy. The "stuff" and all the "readiness" is an added bonus. They have no idea what a car seat or booster seat are. Anita sat on my lap in a taxi. Medication, vitamins, sippy cups, children silverware, children plates, lunch boxes, suitcases, outfits ... all added bonuses. Being with two people they can call their "mommy" and "daddy" and who they can look to and know we are there to protect and take care of them. That's the simplicity of it all, a vulnerable child having parents they can identify as their own. We are ready little ones ... the complicated will follow.

Emotions....

The emotions come and go and then SOMETIMES, they flood. My eyes well up and I can't but just stare at Anita and Maxwell's smiles. I can't but help miss kissing them and hugging them. I miss them so much. It can't be said any differently. There's just something missing and that something is the vibrant life of our children surrounding us close and near!

A little Note ...

We woke up this morning, tired from the dogs waking us up numerous times throughout the night. As we brushed our teeth, fixed our hair, and simply "got ready" for the day, Adam says "Just think, our days of sleeping in and waiting till last minute to get ready will soon be over when the kids get here." As much as this statement should scare me or one would be inclined to think "shoot, my comfortable life is over." We, in turn, smiled! Smiled because we look forward to Anita and Maxwell's presence in the house. I want to fix them breakfast, rush around to get them ready, debate on what outfit is going to work for the day ... we sincerely look forward to having them with us. Sure, we may not get to sleep in as much but we get to smile at two little faces from Ghana, DAY IN and DAY OUT!
A note to my kids:
"Anita and Maxwell, Mommy misses you so very much! I cannot explain the void in my heart since I left you in Ghana on June 22. So very often a tear falls without warning. Luckily I'm comforted in knowing our God has each of you in His hands. And we are all lucky to have your Daddy who is of constant support and love to each of us.
Anita, I miss your giggles, your silly little looks, watching you dance and comb your hair in front of the mirror. I miss hearing you sing to yourself as you twirl around and are simply content being in the same vicinity as Mommy and Daddy. I miss tucking you in to bed and watching you sleep so peacefully. Mommy misses her gorgeous little Anita.
Maxwell, Mommy misses your cute little pouts, your arm flaps as you say "no," your fascination with flushing the toilet and washing your hands in the sink. I miss your hugs, I miss watching you eat, and I miss seeing you smile as you have fun running around because you are genuinely just "that" happy. Mommy misses her handsome little man.
We are so excited to bring you home. Please know there are A LOT of people waiting to meet you and love you beyond what you could imagine. We continue to ask God to bless us and you as our journey as a family continues! I love you little ones! Love, Mommy."

Who Knew?!?!

Who knew the complete heart ache Adam and I would feel arriving home. Who knew the natural instinct to wake up and look for my children, get them ready, and to feed them breakfast. Who knew how quickly the tears would well up and fall just thinking of our beautiful Anita and handsome Maxwell! I can't express the aching. I can't express the sincere feeling of loss. There is void now, a void that cannot be expressed with words. I sit silently staring at their pictures, seeing their happy little smiles and yet, remembering so vividly their scared little faces as they drove away. Part of Adam and I just wants to get back on a plane and go back. The pain is so great, so deep, and there is not much to take it away. We have amazing friends and family, checking in on us, knowing full well how much hurt we are carrying. They can see it in our faces, they can see it as we talk about our children, they can see our tears fall.
Adam calls to check on me often. I simply just plug away at work, doing what I can to be distracted. It's only been 2 days. Ugh! He'll call and ask "How's my beautiful wife doing today?" I smile, knowing how much he loves me and how much he's hurting himself. He hugged me this morning as he asked if I was ok? He loooked at me in the face and said "I miss them too. We have pretty amazing children!" I'm blessed to have such a loving husband, such a loving father to our children, such a loving support at such an aching time in our journey.
Being that we don't have children, I don't think we had any idea the true ache of a parents heart. The true void that is felt without them around. The true heart crushing feeling to not have them with you to kiss and hug. Who knew how natural this would become? Who knew how amazingly peaceful it is to be a parent to two little Ghana smiles given to us by God. We have been blessed!

We're home ...

We made it home. Something isn't right and yet, it's all the same. But we are missing two little bodies, two children ... OUR children! Every time I think of them, I tear up. I can hear Anita's sobs and her small little voice saying "Mommy, I go with you." I sincerely pray for fast processing. Processing that will take less than 30 days. Although taking a warm shower, in our own bathroom is pleasant and taken for granted ... I can't but think "did my kids get enough to eat today?" "Are they crying themselves to sleep?" Have they been able to stop sobbing? Do they know and trust we are coming back? So many things I want their little hearts to understand and soak in.
I cannot wait to share Anita and Maxwell with everyone!! We got to have dinner with our facilitator last night before our flight left. It was awesome to sit and chat and ask questions. His heart is amazing and we all are truly fortunate to have him working on our case. He cares so much about the children and wants each one to have a chance at a better life. His knowledge is comforting!!
As we flew home, my heart just ached. Ached knowing our little ones didn't want to go back. It aches because they have so much fear to what they are returning to. Don't get me wrong, the foster home is not bad, it's just not where the children want to go back, once they have met their own Mommy and Daddy. The children smile when they see their Foster moms and yet, they want to stay with us. It's all such a stretch of emotions.
I hope every family that has considered adoption pursues it ... there are too many out there waiting for their forever family!!

Mommy & Daddy are broken ...

I knew it was coming but I couldn't prepare for the heartache. P called and said he would be there in 30 minutes and I lost it, totally lost it. Sobbing with tears streaming down my face. Luckily Adam and the kids had gone to visit friends down the hall and I started packing their bags. I literally teared up until they left. Anita could tell something was wrong, she just kept staring at me and there was nothing I could do to hide it.
When they came back, we took more family pics and gave them gummy bears, which they loved. But we're pretty sure Anita has a cavity b/c her face quenches up whenever she eats on the sides of her mouth. Adam put Tropical Punch Powder in their water and they thought that was the neatest thing! Huge smiles, so excited. Their water turned blue and they were fascinated.
As we were taking our last family pictures, P walked up. Anita instantly knew what was happening and she clung to me. Wouldn't let me out of her sight. I just teared up over and over and over again. Maxwell wasn't sure what was happening until the end and he just looked at Adam and said "Daddy, I go with you." Anita just kept repeating "Mommy, I go with you. I go with you Mommy." I said "I know you do sweetheart and I want you to go with me too." Since I couldn't say yes, Anita tried another approach and said "Mommy, I want to go to Grandma's in America." I smiled and just lost it at this point. If she only knew how many people want to meet her and want her to be with me on the plane. I couldn't tell her enough that I loved her and I couldn't take her tears away. I wanted to take her tears away. P asked her if she was ready and she just started balling and wanted me to hold her. With tears streaming down my face and her face, Daddy told her to trust him just like she did in the pool and she nodded. It was awful, so awful. Adam and I agreed that this was the hardest part of the whole trip, to see two children, who we love so much, to be so broken and there is nothing we can do. Pray for us, pray for them ... we ask for fast and smooth sailing from this point forward!

Preparing to Leave ...

The children slept well last night, like little logs. They are precious to watch, so peaceful. When they wake up in the morning, they pop up and look around. They ask to go "wee wee" and instantly want a bath. Adam and I skipped our showers in order to get them fed faster but it didn't stop the tears from Maxwell. Waiting is not his forte. But as of this morning, I had to make the choice to tell them this was Mommy and Daddy's last day in Ghana. The instant I said it Anita started crying and clung to me so tightly. Maxwell doesn't completely understand b/c he said "I want to eat." I explained to both that Mommy and Daddy will be back and we are not leaving them forever. We promise to be back and are working very hard to bring them to America. This made them smile. However, Anita is very weepy on and off. Max is just our typical busy body 4 yr. old. After breakfast we went swimming ... how fun to see such smiles on your kids faces! Adam got them to trust him and what a treat to watch!! Anita gained more and more courage and by the end, she was jumping in (with floaties, of course.) Maxwell was insistent sharks or fish were in the water. That made me giggle. We assured him "no" but it took awhile for him to even let Adam hold him. He kept trying to remove his shorts b/c he was going in the water and didn't understand the term "swim shorts." Sometimes you have to laugh at what is so very foreign to them, even in their own country. Watching them use hand dryers for the first time. They are fascinated with faucets. They LOVE to flush the toilet. They love to bathe. Maxwell was insistent to have a belt like Daddy. So many joys to experience and smiles to bring.
Well... gotta run and play with my kiddies before it's time to go. Ugh, time to go ... I don't want my kids to have to go back to where they came from. I'm sad. My heart aches. Please pray for all of us and our hearts to be strong and filled with peace for what is to come and hopefully to come soon!