He is the busy mover. The outsider looking in would think he's a poster child for ADHD but we have our reservations on placing tag names. We do know he's coping and he copes by staying rapidly busy and moving at all times, literally. I can't imagine what goes through his head and the thoughts he has to want to stay so busy that he doesn't even want to think about what is really there. With what timeline we can put in place, we know Maxwell was around 2 or 3 when he was taken from his "home" and put into foster care. Thus, the memories he has are probably not easily conveyed with words but are just pictures in his head. He's trying to talk about it ... it all comes out in fragments. The more we can get Max to talk without Anita around is huge! I say this b/c Anita is his coach. If he is unsure how to answer something or doesn't know the answer, he will look at her for how to respond. So, when we do get his thoughts coming out in words, it's always interesting to catch our candid Maxwell with his own words and own thoughts ... it is a priceless moment. We know he's starting to have memories and remember things, simply by the questions he has or the random sayings he'll share. Some are good and some cause us to really ponder and wonder on much deeper levels. He's little but a very strong man in many ways. He'll steal your heart b/c he is so sweet! He comes across as such a big tough guy but at any moment in the day you can ask "Maxwell, can I have a hug or kiss?" He will stop whatever he's doing and run over and it's the best feeling ever. We are heading in the right direction ... we know time, love, prayer and therapy will heal his little head of troubling thoughts. I pray he'll one day be able to "JUST STOP" and talk with us on what keeps him wanting to be just so busy! We love you little Maxwell ... you are a smile to every face you touch b/c your smile is just so contagious!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Just STOP!
He moves ... A LOT! And never seems to stop. If you're in the Turner house in the morning, you know when Maxwell is awake. His voice is heard loud and clear and it doesn't stop. LOL. We can often laugh about it but there are moments when we do want the madness to stop ... The flips, the rolling on the ground, the somer saults, the jumping, the endless questions for things he already has answers to, the constant checking on "what we are doing," more flips, more cartwheels, more rolls on the ground. "MAXWELL JUST STOP!" Our little man copes by moving. 
He is the busy mover. The outsider looking in would think he's a poster child for ADHD but we have our reservations on placing tag names. We do know he's coping and he copes by staying rapidly busy and moving at all times, literally. I can't imagine what goes through his head and the thoughts he has to want to stay so busy that he doesn't even want to think about what is really there. With what timeline we can put in place, we know Maxwell was around 2 or 3 when he was taken from his "home" and put into foster care. Thus, the memories he has are probably not easily conveyed with words but are just pictures in his head. He's trying to talk about it ... it all comes out in fragments. The more we can get Max to talk without Anita around is huge! I say this b/c Anita is his coach. If he is unsure how to answer something or doesn't know the answer, he will look at her for how to respond. So, when we do get his thoughts coming out in words, it's always interesting to catch our candid Maxwell with his own words and own thoughts ... it is a priceless moment. We know he's starting to have memories and remember things, simply by the questions he has or the random sayings he'll share. Some are good and some cause us to really ponder and wonder on much deeper levels. He's little but a very strong man in many ways. He'll steal your heart b/c he is so sweet! He comes across as such a big tough guy but at any moment in the day you can ask "Maxwell, can I have a hug or kiss?" He will stop whatever he's doing and run over and it's the best feeling ever. We are heading in the right direction ... we know time, love, prayer and therapy will heal his little head of troubling thoughts. I pray he'll one day be able to "JUST STOP" and talk with us on what keeps him wanting to be just so busy! We love you little Maxwell ... you are a smile to every face you touch b/c your smile is just so contagious!
He is the busy mover. The outsider looking in would think he's a poster child for ADHD but we have our reservations on placing tag names. We do know he's coping and he copes by staying rapidly busy and moving at all times, literally. I can't imagine what goes through his head and the thoughts he has to want to stay so busy that he doesn't even want to think about what is really there. With what timeline we can put in place, we know Maxwell was around 2 or 3 when he was taken from his "home" and put into foster care. Thus, the memories he has are probably not easily conveyed with words but are just pictures in his head. He's trying to talk about it ... it all comes out in fragments. The more we can get Max to talk without Anita around is huge! I say this b/c Anita is his coach. If he is unsure how to answer something or doesn't know the answer, he will look at her for how to respond. So, when we do get his thoughts coming out in words, it's always interesting to catch our candid Maxwell with his own words and own thoughts ... it is a priceless moment. We know he's starting to have memories and remember things, simply by the questions he has or the random sayings he'll share. Some are good and some cause us to really ponder and wonder on much deeper levels. He's little but a very strong man in many ways. He'll steal your heart b/c he is so sweet! He comes across as such a big tough guy but at any moment in the day you can ask "Maxwell, can I have a hug or kiss?" He will stop whatever he's doing and run over and it's the best feeling ever. We are heading in the right direction ... we know time, love, prayer and therapy will heal his little head of troubling thoughts. I pray he'll one day be able to "JUST STOP" and talk with us on what keeps him wanting to be just so busy! We love you little Maxwell ... you are a smile to every face you touch b/c your smile is just so contagious!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Small Triggers
The adjustments seemed to start revealing themselves right after Anita's 7th Birthday. We can't pin point the exact date or what "triggered" it but they just started to "appear" more frequently. As we tried to rack our brains on what was happening and why, we couldn't put our finger on it. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary ... and then I guess it all can be so small, those triggers can be just so sneaky and small.Soon after Anita's birthday, her closest friend in her class moved to Arizona. Losing Darla was devastating to us and we had no idea the effect it would have on Anita. She played it off pretty well. Never seemed to mind too much but then again, haven't people and friends constantly come and gone in her life. Ugh! As the days passed, slowly a withdrawn, spacey, wondering deer in head lights little girl started appearing. She would literally check out and be in her very own world. She's happy in this state. She never seems upset but she's just not "with us" either. Her attention is not here and has been devoted to somewhere and something else. I'll joke with one of my closest girlfriends (practically a sister) and say "she goes to that world you like to go to!" My friend smiles and says "that world is WAY MORE FUN!" I just sigh and smirk. My heart doesn't want her to feel like she has to cope. Because this is what she is doing, coping. She's safe here! I want to shout it. She's safe ... "YOU are safe, how does Mommy show you are safe!?" She's safe with her Mommy and Daddy! We aren't going to leave her! We're not! But how does a surviving, smart, intelligent, little girl know she's safe and this family, she has grown to love, will not leave her? My heart breaks and in the same moment I'm angry b/c she wants to check out. I want her to talk to me and reveal what she's thinking and yet she searches for the perfect words she thinks I want to hear. "Oh my daughter, I want you to reveal you, not what they told you I wanted ... but you, the good, the angry, the sad, the happy ... the Anita who's hiding!"
As I recalled back at this "trigger" in our journey and while I frantically re-read my books on hand ... I was enlightened to read about memory triggers in our lives. These triggers can be subconscious and perhaps they cannot even be conveyed with words but they are triggers enough to cause us to "feel" different and be snapped back into ill feelings. And as I read this my eyes stopped and I read it again. We accepted Anita and Maxwell's referral in the spring of '09. Could her body be reacting subconsciously to the trauma she experienced when she was taken from her Grandma Victoria and placed in the Foster Home? Could this be her trigger? She has yet to speak about it. Won't say a bad thing about her transition. Yes, it was sad but she was fine. And at this, my heart breaks for my little girl who is so strong and trying so hard to show she's a survivor. She's coping and cannot even recognize its happening. In time my sweet girl, we'll help you in time. I can't imagine being 4 yrs old and simply taken from what I know and put in a foster home so unfamiliar, so unprotected, so chaotic, and so unloving. I'm sure I would check out and go to my happy world too...
Monday, May 16, 2011
Not always pretty
As the past couple months have passed, life in the Turner house has become slightly different. I haven't tried to be absent from my blogging but my "time" is scarce. My absent state from blogging has more reasons attached than I necessarily want to blast to the world about but I have started to ponder and realize ... blogging can be therapeutic; it can bring reflection; it can be our diary; it can be our log of events. Events which come and go quickly and are hard to track without simply writing them down. The past 9 months have felt long and yet, I look back and see how much my littles have grown! They have changed physically and mentally. There are many of times I tell A & M ... "Mommy doesn't want you to grow anymore, no more!" They giggle and say "Noooo Mommy, we want to be big like you!" And although this is all said in love and giggles there is a small part of my heart breaking because I've only had 9 months, 9 FAST months to soak in all they are and all they are becoming.
As mentioned before, my absence from blogging has involved a little more than being busy. I'll try and be honest and forthright without offending anyone. The more I start writing, please do realize this is coming from our house and we, as Turner's, are all learning together. Our adoption journey is just that "ours." I cannot say every moment is pretty and I'm quickly reminded and encouraged by many that "parenthood is not always pretty." But as the saying goes "I wouldn't change it for the world!"
Anita and Maxwell have started to experience more and more adjustment issues. Perhaps they are just more apparent or coming to light but we are trying to be in full awareness now. Whereas we might have not been so in tune in the past. As I continue to converse with my fabulous adoptive mom friends, we're able to support and encourage one another through our questions, observations, joys and struggles. Through this, I am learning a lot. And while I learn ... I'll share what I can as our Turner journey continues.
As mentioned before, my absence from blogging has involved a little more than being busy. I'll try and be honest and forthright without offending anyone. The more I start writing, please do realize this is coming from our house and we, as Turner's, are all learning together. Our adoption journey is just that "ours." I cannot say every moment is pretty and I'm quickly reminded and encouraged by many that "parenthood is not always pretty." But as the saying goes "I wouldn't change it for the world!"
Anita and Maxwell have started to experience more and more adjustment issues. Perhaps they are just more apparent or coming to light but we are trying to be in full awareness now. Whereas we might have not been so in tune in the past. As I continue to converse with my fabulous adoptive mom friends, we're able to support and encourage one another through our questions, observations, joys and struggles. Through this, I am learning a lot. And while I learn ... I'll share what I can as our Turner journey continues.
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