Who Knew?!?!

Who knew the complete heart ache Adam and I would feel arriving home. Who knew the natural instinct to wake up and look for my children, get them ready, and to feed them breakfast. Who knew how quickly the tears would well up and fall just thinking of our beautiful Anita and handsome Maxwell! I can't express the aching. I can't express the sincere feeling of loss. There is void now, a void that cannot be expressed with words. I sit silently staring at their pictures, seeing their happy little smiles and yet, remembering so vividly their scared little faces as they drove away. Part of Adam and I just wants to get back on a plane and go back. The pain is so great, so deep, and there is not much to take it away. We have amazing friends and family, checking in on us, knowing full well how much hurt we are carrying. They can see it in our faces, they can see it as we talk about our children, they can see our tears fall.
Adam calls to check on me often. I simply just plug away at work, doing what I can to be distracted. It's only been 2 days. Ugh! He'll call and ask "How's my beautiful wife doing today?" I smile, knowing how much he loves me and how much he's hurting himself. He hugged me this morning as he asked if I was ok? He loooked at me in the face and said "I miss them too. We have pretty amazing children!" I'm blessed to have such a loving husband, such a loving father to our children, such a loving support at such an aching time in our journey.
Being that we don't have children, I don't think we had any idea the true ache of a parents heart. The true void that is felt without them around. The true heart crushing feeling to not have them with you to kiss and hug. Who knew how natural this would become? Who knew how amazingly peaceful it is to be a parent to two little Ghana smiles given to us by God. We have been blessed!