Fell in ...

I wish I could have laughed about it in the moment. But no, not me, I was infuriated. He fell in ... seriously, fell in the water! He wasn't listening. That's all that ran through my brain ... HE DIDN'T LISTEN (again.) My mom had to remind me, "Anna, at least he's ok and didn't fall in the pool. And Paul was there. And he only fell in the jacuzzi." BUT all I could do was be mad and think, Maxwell, you didn't listen to the directions we gave you. Because I know my little man is so smart and can almost recite verbatim what you say ... I think it makes the "not listening" so much harder. He told me exactly how many times Paul told him to not walk on the tile. He told me how many times I told him to stay away from the water and just watch. Either way ... he fell in. How does the saying go? "Curiosity kills the cat." There is a waterfall wall which separates my parents pool from the jacuzzi. Their pool guy, Paul, was cleaning today and Maxwell wanted to "watch." The directions were very clear "Maxwell, do not touch, do not help, you can only watch Paul. Stay AWAY from the water." "Ok mom." Well, apparently that little "bridge" was all too tempting to try and feat. I remember being a kid and walking back and forth on those tiles but I knew how to swim. I remember my mom and dad saying not to "walkin on the tile," simple because they feared us falling in the water. But the excitement to conquer the little bridge without falling in was so much more exciting. I think this excitement it what will get my little man into trouble so many of times. As he walked acorse this little bridge twice .. he didn't make it the second time. He fell in the jacuzzi. Luckily it was just the jacuzzi! Had it been the pool, I might have cried. Maybe I was so mad and frustrated because it really was fear ... fear that something so much worse could have happened. And I couldn't help but be mad at myself. I trusted Maxwell, but maybe I shouldn't have put so much trust in a 4 year old. In the end, I am thankful ... thankful for Paul, who was there to drag him out soaking wet. Thankful I get to kiss my little man good-night because he "fell in."

HER Birthday!

Mommy's first birthday for one of her little ones ... I was so excited. The budget was tight but I wasn't sure it mattered. To Anita, it didn't, we know that. She doesn't have much to compare to, so it was all going to be so magical. As the planning began, we started out with one party. This one party quickly changed to two. You see, Anita was so excited about her Birthday, she was telling all her friends in her class about her "Birthday PaarrTay!" In the month of January, she would get in the car from school and say "Mommy, so and so wants to come to my party." As I sat and wondered, how the heck so and so knows about the party, it dawned on me, she was telling everyone and willingly inviting them as well. In lieu of squashing her spirits, we decided to run with it. If she was proud enough to invite everyone and not be ashamed of being "Anita" then we were going to honor this and give her two parties. One at the park and one at the house. Explaining to Anita why her parties were on a Friday and Saturday and not on her birthday made Adam and I giggle. As she read her invitations (b/c she's reading now) she just kept saying "the 4th? Mommy, my birthday is on the 2nd." "We know honey, but your party is on the 4th." "Why? My birthday is on the 2nd." Oh how we felt like we were in a comedy scene. A party? A birthday? Weren't they the same? In Anita's eyes, yes, they were.
Her countdown to her birthday was bigger than Christmas. She was ecstatic! Everyday she would ask, "is tomorrow February? Is next week my birthday? Is the party this Friday?" It was so cute to watch and hear. How special life must be to have a party all about YOU, when you've never had one. She had been to a few birthday parties already so she kind of knew what to expect ... she was just waiting for her BIG day!
On February 2nd Daddy got Anita up ... as she walked into the bathroom to take a shower, she just stood there with the biggest smile. She radiated! Anita's not a morning person, so this smile said so much. "Happy Birthday sweetheart!" She just kind of skipped, jumped, and grinned ... elated ...elated is a good word to describe what I saw.
I love this little girl. Her heart is sweet. Her mind is intelligent. Her words are so special. She speaks fondly of all those who cross her path. She's thankful for what she had in Ghana and never speaks an ill word. Life might not compare but she just savors all of it.
Her parties were a success. Friends, more friends, family, and more family all showed in support of little Miss. Anita's Birthday. She's 7 now ... and so proud to be 7. With the biggest grin and lots of missing teeth, she is so ELATED to be 7!

Maxwell'ism's"

I just had to write some of these down before they are lost and fade to memory. Maxwell and Anita have their own way of saying many of things. Maybe because they don't know any different or are still learning the English language, but either way, it makes us smile, and often laugh. So, to share a few ... here are some Maxwell"ism's."
- "Heggs" or Eggs?
- "Up steps" or Upstairs
- When my hair is curly, Maxwell says "Mommy's hair rasta." Others say "Farrah Fawcet."
- "Change my dress?" or Change my clothes?
- "I send it" or I want to bring it with me.
- "Knickers" are his pants
- "Urinate" and "Wee wee" have been replaced with "potty" & "pee pee"
- "Off it ... On it" or Turn it off and on?
- "Turn the music harder" or turn the music louder
- "Mommy, pass, pass!" ... Um, no, Mommy cannot just drive in the bike lane as she pleases.
- "cot" or cat
- "Mommy, let me SHOW you something." ... Mommy, let me TELL you something.

Anita is catching on all too quickly. Her mind is a sponge and she soaks every ounce in. Her Anita'ism's are far and few between now. She laughs at Maxwell when he says things. I smile and think "Oh little one, it wasn't but a few weeks ago, you were right there with him! LOL."

You look tired ...

So ... I often find myself now realizing my struggles. Perhaps it's "settling in" being a mom and all but I find my high energy and excitement fading at times. I have to work harder to stay positive with all those around me. I'm not sure how to pin point my feelings or where they are coming from but I thought I would just share what I could.
Since becoming a "mom" (because I had no kids of my own before) ... I hear the words "you look tired" a lot. Sometimes I want to reply and say "Wow, I must look like crap, thank you." In my head I'm thinking, do I really look that bad? ... If I do, I need to pull it together ... I don't want to look like an old run down mom ... and how am I really supposed to take this comment?!? I think it's started to wear on me and my spirit. I often want to hide and cry for a moment but I don't, I just keep going. I love being a mom. I love my children. Do I wish I had more moments of laughing and not disciplining or checking off the tasks for the night, YES!!! I do. But certain things have to get done and they won't get done on their own.
I have realized how much pressure I put on myself and how much I allow others to put on me. I don't always think others are doing it, I think it just happens that way. I want so badly for Maxwell and Anita to be "good kids" and "obey" when needed and "listen" like they are supposed to. And then I have to step back and realize how hard it really is. We (as their parents) don't want to be played as fools but we need to remember to have fun and enjoy who they are. There are many of times; car rides, dinner, lunch, playing, laughing are all interrupted with someone in time out or someone crying or someone upset b/c discipline took place. It makes for very awkward moments and frustrating feelings. I try to do discipline in private and not make situations difficult for others but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. Adam and I weren't raised the same and we are learning this quickly. His verbal discipline is a lot different than mine. Frankly ... I just miss the joys of when they first got here and I'm trying to step back and remember those joys.
My kids are 4 and 6. They aren't 10, they aren't 15. They're little. And they're learning a lot a lot. They have to be reminded. They have to be loved. I wish all my words came out lovingly in lieu of anger. I wish I could hug them without fear they will "play out" the circumstance again. My heart was just heavy today ... I'm not feeling like a good mom. I'm feeling like a mom my kids don't want to be around b/c I'm too busy checking off the list of do's, homework, chores, how we act, don't act, manners, chores, laundry, chewing with our mouth closed, getting our hair done, making ourselves presentable, grocery shopping, etc ... why can't I just enjoy what's around me ... I want to be a good mom ... a loving mom full of joy who looks good. Not a mom who people say "Wow, you look tired!"

"Proud of You..."

I've been wanting to write about this for awhile ... I remember it vividly. I hear it in my head over and over and over. My dad hugged me tightly. So warm, so loving, so tight ... I just wanted to burst into to tears. Sometimes hugs do that. I had just endured 24 hours of travel, as a single mommy, in order to bring our little ones home. Exhausted, yes. Elated, yes. Excited, oh yes! But as I made my rounds upon our airport arrival, I approached my dad, he held my face and said "I love you honey. I am so so proud of you. You did it ..." (I cannot even write this without tears.) Those words play over and over in my head. My dad kept saying it "You did it. All on your own. I commend you."
When I left for Ghana, I simply didn't know if I was coming home with our children or not. As my survivor skills set in and the days played out we were blessed to be home within a week. Was I scared to travel home alone with two young children who had never set foot in an airport, let alone a plane? Not scared, but nervous. I remember being giddy to be home, excited to be where things were familiar ... to be with my family and friends. So elated to have everyone finally meet Anita and Maxwell. I don't think we always feel our exhaustion. And sometimes the exhaustion can be displayed in different ways but as we rode down the escalator there stood our family and friends! There stood my support, my prayers, and the love surrounding me. I vaguely remember people saying "you must be so tired." I don't remember feeling tired. And I don't remember feeling accomplished. But when my dad said those words they have seeped into my heart and embedded themselves strongly. My dad was proud of me! He really really was. He wanted me to be proud too. I did it - my mission was accomplished and I physically did it by myself. Reflecting has made me realize how important and how much it means to tell our children we are proud of them. There is something in those words ... something takes hold deep in our hearts and fills us up. We radiate with joy .. we radiate with a sense of purpose. "Proud of you honey ... very very proud of you!"

Who they are ...

As a quick little update ... I thought I would share what we have learned thus far. The fun, the silly, the quirky, and the frustrating. Parenthood has been nice to Adam and I. We have had our own personal struggles arise and yet, parenthood has been full of grace. We often have to take our own "time outs" and our own "deep breaths" but nothing has been worse than what we could have expected. We try and approach so many things with a different view. Perhaps a view of "What if I was a child in Ghana. What if I had two people telling me how to do something, what to eat, what not to eat, what not to do, how I wear my clothes, how I take a bath, how to write my name, what noise to make and what noise not to make. What if I was trying so so hard and it just wasn't coming natural to me b/c I just wasn't from Ghana?" These are the shoes we try and walk in as we work with Anita and Maxwell. Because, if we're being honest, Anita and Maxwell simply ROCK! They are adjusting amazingly well and love life and love others. So much so that maybe Adam and I continue to place too much expectations b/c they are learning so quickly. We are learning too ... learning to step back and let them be "who they are!"
ANITA is a lively, strong, sensitive 6 yr. old. Her personality is very independent and yet she truly loves her friends, her cousins, and her family. Her smile brightens a room and her singing, well ... it's just "her personal singing."
What we've learned thus far:
- She sings LOUD in the car. Not to any specific tune ... just LOUD!
- If she wants to fall asleep ... she wants the music loud in the car.
- She loves pizza. She loves protein. Carbs simply come and go in her cravings.
- She can be very "drama." We joke that her name is Anita Drama Turner. "Little girl drama" has been aquired quickly.
- She likes to tell us about every single ailment, scratch, itch, bump, "pinning" she has. Parents are the magical doctors, right?
- She's very very smart and yet, doubts herself.
- She moves like a turtle. No really! She is slow! Slow at eating. Slow at dressing. Slow at brushing her teeth. There is no "speed" in her movements.
- She loves to sing "Stuck like glue." It is her favorite song.
- Mommy being even the least bit upset with her will cause a full on crying breakdown. She is very sensitive.
- She's already growing and it scares me. It's only been 11 weeks - can I stop the growth?
- She loves her Grandma, Poppie, Nana, and Grandpa ... she has a sincere love for her closest of family.
- I finally get mommy kisses and a big "I love you" smile at night!
- She's endured more than we may want to know and it reveals itself oh so often w/ the glimpse of her eyes.

MAXWELL is a full of life, solid (heavy), amusing, jokester, 4 yr. old. His personality is silly, joking, cuddly, bossy, and sincerely loving. He doesn't skip a beat and is rarely found not doing anything. He can scan a room faster than any child I've seen. He's our survivor and has done well at it!
What we've learned thus far:
- He can do amazing round offs. No seriously ... really good round offs!
- He WANTS to play football, we get asked every night.
- He can do perfect push ups ... likes to do those in the shower.
- He loves to jump, hop, donkey kick, roll, tumble, flip all across the floor ... just as long as he's MOVING!
- He loves to watch "Ants" (aka "Bug's Life"), Scoobey Doo, Mikey Mouse, Dora, and "Avatar."
- He has a sincere love for animals and it's fun to see. He really does love them.
- He soaks in every word from Daddy (so much more than Mommy.) Daddy is his hero.
- We still "off the light" and "on it" in lieu of "turning them off." LOL.
- He's afraid of the dark even though they had NO electricity in Ghana ... hmmmm...
- Falls asleep almost EVERY car ride he takes!
- Hearing "I love you Mommy" and feeling that little head on my shoulder, from my son is priceless!!!
We love our family. We love our gifts! We thank God for the children he has given us!!! The children they are!

"Minnie Mouse" for Christmas

The stores are quickly gearing up for Christmas! Halloween has come and gone ... who would know we have Thanksgiving in between with all the Christmas decor among us. Anita LOVES the decor ... I mean, REALLY REALLY LOVES the decor. She'll take in a deep breath and say "Oh mommy ... isn't it pretty? You buy me this ..." (as she points to a little little Christmas tree or Christmas bulb.) She really just wants to stand in the isles and stare ... it's all so magical, Mommy loves Christmas too!
Anita and Maxwell know Auntie Gina will be making the house "oh so pretty" for Christmas, I just don't think they really know, just how magical the Acosta-Turner house becomes! They are in for a very fun and magical Christmas as we celebrate Jesus' Birthday. Speaking of Jesus' Birthday ... Anita asks "Mommy, what day Christmas?" "December 25th." "Why?" "Because that is the day Jesus was born and it's His Birthday. Just like you have a Birthday except the whole world gets to celebrate Jesus' Birthday." "Oh ... Mommy Mommy, are we going to go up there (points to heaven) for his Birthday?" Smile with me, because that was priceless!!!
As we were shopping for clothes the other evening, Anita was in awe of the girl Christmas dresses. She really really wants one! She ran up to Adam and I and says "Mommy, I be Minnie Mouse for Christmas!" All I could do is laugh. "Ok mommy? I be Minnie Mouse." "Sweetie, we don't dress up for Christmas like we do Halloween." "But Mommy, come, come look at the pretty dress." As Adam continues to try and reason with her, she continues her heartfelt plea in order to have a dress and says "Ok mommy ... I be Cinderella for Christmas!" Are you laughing with me now? All I can do is smile, ear to ear! If she simply changed the character this would allow the dress purchase to be easier, right? She's not convinced we don't dress in character for Christmas but she is determined to obtain a pretty dress! They continue to fill my heart with joy!