As the summer has passed (ugh ... cannot believe the time has flown by) my heart sinks knowing how fast the time goes now. Capturing moments is crazy in of itself. Remembering them makes me smile!! This week at dinner Maxwell said he wanted to be white like Mommy & Daddy. We flipped it and said we wanted to be "brown" like him but couldn't because God made us the way we are. As he thought for a second, his face lit up! He smiled big and said "Well, I think you should ask Santa so you can be like me!" I love how his mind works. I love the childlike mind. It makes me smile!
Adam and I often look at our lives and think "how did we get so lucky?" How did God know we were supposed to have Anita and Maxwell? God is just awesome like that. But there are simply just those mornings (although fast and lots of "hurry ups") we stare at those cute faces and say "thank you God!" Thank you for giving us our family. Thank you for giving me the heart for adoption.
As Maxwell's week has progressed, we've been working hard on being "still." This is beyond difficult for my little man, he just can't. As one part of his body remains still, another limb or finger or toe or leg starts moving ... no matter what. As we talked about "listening" tonight and set up a reward system, the listening without moving was difficult. After time outs and tears, I finally stepped beyond my comfort zone and just scooped him up. I scooped him like a baby, held him like a baby. I held him so close and so tight, so he couldn't move. He didn't need to move. He just needed to know he was safe. And his body didn't even try to move. It was a peaceful moment. We talked. We understood our reward system. I asked him if he wanted mommy to put him to bed or hold him. In his quiet still voice he softly said "Hold me." He closed his eyes and fell asleep. Secure as a baby in his mommy's arms. Sometimes understanding my little boy is tough and sometimes it's the realization I have to go back, WAY back to what he never got. He never got to be coddled and held so tight. He didn't get to know everything was going to be alright and those around him were going to protect him.