Maxwell'ism's"

I just had to write some of these down before they are lost and fade to memory. Maxwell and Anita have their own way of saying many of things. Maybe because they don't know any different or are still learning the English language, but either way, it makes us smile, and often laugh. So, to share a few ... here are some Maxwell"ism's."
- "Heggs" or Eggs?
- "Up steps" or Upstairs
- When my hair is curly, Maxwell says "Mommy's hair rasta." Others say "Farrah Fawcet."
- "Change my dress?" or Change my clothes?
- "I send it" or I want to bring it with me.
- "Knickers" are his pants
- "Urinate" and "Wee wee" have been replaced with "potty" & "pee pee"
- "Off it ... On it" or Turn it off and on?
- "Turn the music harder" or turn the music louder
- "Mommy, pass, pass!" ... Um, no, Mommy cannot just drive in the bike lane as she pleases.
- "cot" or cat
- "Mommy, let me SHOW you something." ... Mommy, let me TELL you something.

Anita is catching on all too quickly. Her mind is a sponge and she soaks every ounce in. Her Anita'ism's are far and few between now. She laughs at Maxwell when he says things. I smile and think "Oh little one, it wasn't but a few weeks ago, you were right there with him! LOL."

You look tired ...

So ... I often find myself now realizing my struggles. Perhaps it's "settling in" being a mom and all but I find my high energy and excitement fading at times. I have to work harder to stay positive with all those around me. I'm not sure how to pin point my feelings or where they are coming from but I thought I would just share what I could.
Since becoming a "mom" (because I had no kids of my own before) ... I hear the words "you look tired" a lot. Sometimes I want to reply and say "Wow, I must look like crap, thank you." In my head I'm thinking, do I really look that bad? ... If I do, I need to pull it together ... I don't want to look like an old run down mom ... and how am I really supposed to take this comment?!? I think it's started to wear on me and my spirit. I often want to hide and cry for a moment but I don't, I just keep going. I love being a mom. I love my children. Do I wish I had more moments of laughing and not disciplining or checking off the tasks for the night, YES!!! I do. But certain things have to get done and they won't get done on their own.
I have realized how much pressure I put on myself and how much I allow others to put on me. I don't always think others are doing it, I think it just happens that way. I want so badly for Maxwell and Anita to be "good kids" and "obey" when needed and "listen" like they are supposed to. And then I have to step back and realize how hard it really is. We (as their parents) don't want to be played as fools but we need to remember to have fun and enjoy who they are. There are many of times; car rides, dinner, lunch, playing, laughing are all interrupted with someone in time out or someone crying or someone upset b/c discipline took place. It makes for very awkward moments and frustrating feelings. I try to do discipline in private and not make situations difficult for others but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. Adam and I weren't raised the same and we are learning this quickly. His verbal discipline is a lot different than mine. Frankly ... I just miss the joys of when they first got here and I'm trying to step back and remember those joys.
My kids are 4 and 6. They aren't 10, they aren't 15. They're little. And they're learning a lot a lot. They have to be reminded. They have to be loved. I wish all my words came out lovingly in lieu of anger. I wish I could hug them without fear they will "play out" the circumstance again. My heart was just heavy today ... I'm not feeling like a good mom. I'm feeling like a mom my kids don't want to be around b/c I'm too busy checking off the list of do's, homework, chores, how we act, don't act, manners, chores, laundry, chewing with our mouth closed, getting our hair done, making ourselves presentable, grocery shopping, etc ... why can't I just enjoy what's around me ... I want to be a good mom ... a loving mom full of joy who looks good. Not a mom who people say "Wow, you look tired!"